Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
