i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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