Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
