I love black thongs
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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