Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
