Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
