Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
