I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
