There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
