I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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