Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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