I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
