i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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