I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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