you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
