I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
