Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
