the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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