part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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