Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
