I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the day after is always just damage control
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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