Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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