The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
