he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
FUCK WHALES
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
