..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
