I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
