everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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