I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
