dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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