I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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