im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
