Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
