Plan B is the new Plan A
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
