the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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