Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
