I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would fuck him just for his dog
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
