the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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