I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
