she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
