dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
