Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
