It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
