i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
