You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
