Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
