She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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