That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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