We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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