this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
