I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
