This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
