3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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