i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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