Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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